I accept that
2009-11-01 - 10:13 p.m.
I took some impromptu time off of work last week starting around noon on Wednesday. It was very much needed to an extent that I cannot explain. I had endured a massive migraine all day on Tuesday and by the end of the day, culmination of work stress, a broken heater in the ON position in a room with 25 raging Dell PC's, an overhead projector, and 13 irritated aggrivated women with nothing to aid my suffering but a few ibuprofen and some sad little fans fighting that torrant heatwave, I found myself desperate to run away. And at that moment when I thought things couldn't POSSIBLY get any worse, I get an email from the CNO asking me to take on the responsibilities again of training all new hires in the computer system. Needless to say, I lost it. I lost it. No, I mean, I lost it. By that night I had emailed my boss basically saying I was taking time off... by Wednesday, I was cleaning out my office. No, I didn't quit, but I did remove most everything that I had personally purchased for that office space along with all of my personal photos and brought them all back with me to the house. For good measure, I also updated my resume and looked online for any openings close to the house. I've been walking around for months now with a folder in my purse that contains all of my performance excellence records just in case someone were to stop me on the street and ask me for an interview. Hey... stranger things have happened. While I was gone, the newest addition to our office at facility level was terminated. I don't know what happened, but I know that there will possibly be legal action pursued. Which side that action is taken from, I have no idea. Shyeah, and I was worried that things might be tense when I came back to work!
I am stressing about going back to work. I don't want to think about it, but I'm afraid I have to. Such as it is, that job is the primary income right now for my family and I need to treat my job with that level of reverence. And believe me, I'm trying to do so.
So... long and short of it is, I had my doctors appointment with my primary which was already on the books and he's making some minor recommendations to tide me over which I agree with... Wellbutrin, a mild anti-depressant that I used to take before the baby came along, low dose Xanax as a rescue med in case I encounter another panic attack, and I have agreed to see a therapist. I tried to get an appointment on the books with the therapist, but evidently if you're crazy, you reeeeally put those therapists to work during the holiday season. As Chucky says on Sons of Anarchy, "I accept that." So, unless there is a cancellation, I have to wait til December 15th for my first appointment.
Share your thoughts with me.
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